X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Hugh Jackman returns as Wolverine in this X-Men franchise prequel. Looking uncannily like Amos from Emmerdale Jackman goes in search of revenge for the death of his girlfriend.

In order to exact said vengeance, Wolverine signs up for the Weapons X programme and allows himself to be transformed into a hairy metal alloy. Jackman expresses his character's pain, confusion and inner turmoil by keeping his brow furrowed throughout the entire film.

When Wolfy learns that he's about to be double-crossed he escapes from the clutches of the Weapon X's evil mastermind Stryker (Danny Huston).

A naked Wolverine takes refuge on the farm of an elderly couple. Fortunately the implausibly generous old folks are used to finding unclothed men hiding in their barn and quickly invite the hairy human hybrid in for dinner.  

Meanwhile Stryker despatches Agent Zero (David Henney) to hunt down and kill Wolverine with a couple of hummers and a helicopter. Having established themselves as kindly pensioners the couple are swiftly despatched by Agent Zero, providing Wolverine with the excuse he needs to exact some merciless revenge.

Making good his escape on a motorbike, Wolverine makes short work of the first hummer and swings onto the top of the second. With Wolverine in his sights the chopper pilot decides to take out both Jackman and his poor colleagues in the hummer and comes in low to fire a rocket the vehicle.

With milliseconds to spare Wolverine jumps from the top of the hummer straight at the chopper as it makes its low pass. With his claws he cuts off a rotor blade and the stabilising wing of the helicopter causing it to plummet towards the ground. With another precipitously timed leap Wolverine is able to avoid the crash and explosion as the chopper smacks into the ground rolling over several times.

Miraculously Agent Zero has not been killed by the crash or explosion. Wolverine wanders over to the helicopter wreckage and uses his radio to banter with Stryker, before strolling off. Unfortunately Agent Zero can't help but bait Wolverine after being lectured about his evil ways.

Without looking back Wolverine clinks his metallic claws against the stony ground creating a spark which ignites aviation fuel which has spilled from the chopper. It ignites in a huge fireball perfectly silhouetting Wolverine as he walks away from the explosion in slow motion.

Verdict

Hero back lit by the exploding helicopter as he walks in slow motion towards the camera, that‘s a text book chopper fireball if ever there was one.

Exploding helicopter innovation

First known helicopter to be destroyed by a half wolf, half alloy, half human mutant.

Do passengers survive?

Agent Zero survives the initial crash and explosion but talks himself into an early grave by reminding us that no-one likes a smart aleck.

Positives

Whilst little new ground is broken it’s enough sometimes to see a good job done well. Director Gavin Hood doesn’t flunk his lines.

Negatives

You have to ask why on earth the helicopter’s attack run was so low thus allowing Wolverine to leap on to it. It’s a error which many helicopter pilots have made to their eternal cost.

Review by: Jafo

Still want more? Then check out the Exploding Helicopter podcast episode on X Men Origins: Wolverine. Listen on iTunes, Podomatic, Stitcher, YourListen or Acast.

Swordfish

“It’s easy to pick apart bad acting, short-sighted directing and a purely moronic stringing together of words that many of the studios term as prose,” says John Travolta in the pompous monologue that opens the film. 

The trouble with Hollywood, he goes on to inform us, is the absence of realism: “It’s not a pervasive element in today’s modern American cinematic vision.” 

Well, if ever there was ever a film to remind us of the point it’s Swordfish (2001). 

The ‘Volta’ plays a super-criminal plotting to rob the US Government of $9bn dollars. Only he’s not really a thief, but a patriot who heads up a secret society dedicated to exacting revenge on America’s enemies. (Although given Uncle Sam’s enthusiasm for public retribution it’s hard to understand why such an organisation is needed). 

Along the way there are object lessons in cinema verite such as the scene where Hugh Jackman’s character receives a blow job whilst hacking into US Government at gun point. And the scene where a school bus carrying Travolta and his team is scooped up by a transport helicopter and landed on top of a skyscraper.  

Yes, you can safely file Swordfish in your film collection somewhere between your Ken Loach and Dogme box sets. 

But anyway, enough on the dribbling nonsense that constitutes the plot. Let’s talk about the exploding helicopter.  

The climax of the film has its scientology bothering star and his assembled henchmen atop the skyscraper ready to make their escape in their backup chopper. But, to make good their getaway, they need to blow up the one they arrived in.  

Fortunately, the presence of a rocket launcher has been established earlier with some needlessly graphic expository dialogue: “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking if that rocket launcher was a suppository would that bad man stick it up my ass?” 

As Travolta and his team jump aboard the waiting helicopter, Jackman (who’s meant to be computer geek) grabs the rocket launcher and shoots down the chopper. 

Despite being part pf film’s climax, the explosion is underwhelming. All the viewer gets is a brief CGI fireball before the camera cuts away. Rubbish. 

Like Travolta, all that’s left to do is wonder at the state of modern American cinema.