Jurassic World

Like Tony Blair, grunge and TFI Friday, some things are best left in the nineties. So when I saw the trailer for Jurassic World (2015), I groaned.

Surely the dinosaur franchise, with all its CGI velociraptors and dino-shenanigans, was something best left in the ‘cultural attic’ along with all those discarded Furbies, Tamagotchis and Vengaboys CDs?

But, contrary to my jaded cynicism, it turns out I was wrong. Because far from being an embarrassing rehash Jurassic World is a rollickingly good action film. Maybe that big screen reboot of Saved By The Bell wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all. Then again…..

The plot

The dinosaur theme park envisaged in the first film is now a reality. Visitors can watch giant sea-beasts perform in an aquarium, tour fields of grazing diplodocus or cuddle baby triceratops in the petting zoo. (Surprisingly, the death and destruction depicted in the first three films proved no barrier to Jurassic World opening).

But with tourists growing bored of the prehistoric attractions the only way for the park’s owners to keep selling tickets is to unveil new and evermore exciting monsters. So, in a secret laboratory, a sinister scientist has created a genetically modified uber-dinosaur: the Indominus Rex.

Naturally, the hybrid-o-saur escapes its escape-proof cage and begins treating the theme park like a giant all-you-can-eat buffet. Caught up in the carnage are two young brothers visiting their flaky aunt, who is also the park manager. They team-up with the film’s hero, a former Navy Seal turned dino-researcher (apparently the skills are very transferrable).

Can the good guys survive? And will the villains be torn apart by monsters from millennia past? Well, if Jurassic Park one, two and three are anything to go by, then very possibly yes.

Who’s in it?

As the muscular, pecs-flexing hero, Chris Pratt bounces through the film with cocksure confidence of someone who’s read the script and knows they’ll make it safely to the closing credits.

He’s cast alongside Bryce Dallas Howard who follows up wretched turns in Terminator Salvation, Lady In The Water, The Village - frankly just about everything she’s ever been in – with another stinker.

She plays a cold-hearted corporate-wonk who makes an unconvincingly transformation into a fluffy bunny family-type. The scene where her frosty reserve finally melts at the sight of dying diplodocus is so feeble it makes her dad’s turn as Richie Cunningham seem positively Shakespearian.

Meanwhile, a paunchy Vincent D’Onofrio huffs and puffs his was through a role as a Machiavellian military officer. Our Vince once played a svelte soldier in Stanley Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket. But, with his gut straining at his army fatigues, these days it’s clearly more Full Metal Corset.

There’s also an interesting supporting turn from Omar Sy in what’s traditionally known as the ‘black best friend’ role. Hollywood convention would normally dictate that Sy’s character provide a nice snack for a hungry dinosaur. But, in a surprising break with movie cliché the token black die man doesn’t die. Whatever next? Movies with interracial couples?

Favourite bits

The death of the park manager’s painfully English assistant is simultaneously hilarious and gruesome. Posh, sniffy and slightly rude, she appears to have wandered onto set from an episode of Downtown Abbey. Plucked up by a pterosaur, the unfortunate archetype is tossed around a few times before a mososaur emerges from the aquarium and swallows the screeching cliche and pointy-beaked bird whole.

That’s good, but the ending is even better. This sees the Jurassic Park’s iconic T-Rex released from his cage to battle the hybrid-o-saur. Although not without help from a raptor and the mososaur.

Victorious, the T-Rex heads to a hilltop overlooking the park before roaring in triumph. It’s the dino-equivalent of Sylvester Stallone running up the steps in Rocky to celebrate that he’s still the champ.

Exploding helicopter action

With the mongrel-rex wreaking havoc, the park’s owner (Irrfan Khan) decides he has to act. Jumping into a chopper with a couple of soldiers he flies off to locate the mutant dinosaur.

After tracking the beast down, they unleash a hail of bullets which makes Indominus run straight into a giant aviary (a sort Centre Parcs for pterosaurs). In a frenzy, the birds fly out the hole and start to attack the helicopter with one spearing their beak through the chopper’s windscreen.

Panic in the cockpit ensues, and the chopper spirals out-of-control, crashing through the roof of the giant glass dome, before exploding on impact with the ground. “You’ve just been made extinct,” quips the pterosaur. Or possibly not.

Exploding helicopter innovation

I can say with confidence this is the first time a chopper has been destroyed by a pterosaur.

Favourite quote

While Chris Pratt explains the hierarchy of the velociraptors he’s training, a small boy asks him, “Who’s the alpha?”
“You’re looking at him kid,” comes the cocky reply.

Interesting fact

The giant sea creature in the film is known as a mosasaur. These massive sea lizards weighed as much as 15 tonnes - roughly half the weight of the money this film has made (almost $1 billion so far).

Sure, there’s a few bum notes, wooden acting and highly improbable plotting, but this is a terrifically enjoyable movie.

Review by: Jindy

Want more? Then listen to the Exploding Helicopter podcast episode on Jurassic World. Tune in on iTunes, Podomatic, YourListen or Stitcher.

Fire Birds

In 1986, Top Gun took the breath away (geddit?) of films fans around the world.

An exciting tale of testosterone-fuelled fighter pilots engaged in death-defying aerial dogfights, the film did however sport one noticeable flaw: no helicopters.

Fortunately, that grave error was corrected a few years later with the release of Fire Birds (1990) - or Wings of the Apache as it’s sometimes called.

This not-entirely-original film is ‘inspired by’ (Hollywood parlance for bare-facedly nicked from) the plot of Top Gun. Still, at least here they’ve made the obvious improvement of swapping all fixed wing aircraft for everyone’s favourite rotor-bladed model. Only makes sense, really.

The plot

America is losing the war on drugs. Narcotics are being smuggled across the border with impunity, as the evil (ie. foreign) cartels have hired a mysterious helicopter ace to shoot down US air patrols.

With their men outgunned and out-flown, Uncle Sam sends his top pilots to an elite flight school. Their mission is simple: prepare for a deadly and visually entertaining attack on their deadly foe.

Will our heroes complete their demanding training? Are they equipped to defeat their lethal enemy? Can they become Top Gun? (Well, would you want to ‘become a Fire Bird’? It just sounds ridiculous.)

Who the hell’s in this?

Given the numerous similarities to Top Gun, it’s perhaps easiest to outline the Fire Birds cast in relation to the original players.

Nicolas Cage: horse faced, hair replacement enthusiast

So, who’s playing the cocky, hot-shot pilot who has more to learn about humility than flying a helicopter? (In other words, the Tom Cruise role.) Yes, it’s everybody’s favourite horse-featured over-actor, hair replacement enthusiast Nicolas Cage.

As Cage’s love interest - the surrogate Kelly McGillis - we have Sean Young, who you’ll remember from Blade Runner – and frankly, nothing else.

That’s because the stroppy moppet was famously so crashingly horrible to work with, even by Hollywood’s own risible standards, that the entire film industry shut her out.

Meanwhile, Tommy Lee Jones stars as a gruff military task-master who belittles, berates and bullies his charges into finding their true potential as crack pilots. (Of course, any similarity to Tom Skerritt’s character in Top Gun is entirely intentional).

Normally a reliable and classy presence in any film, TLJ gives possibly the worst performance of his career. Forced by a duff script to deliver turgid mouthfuls of macho claptrap, the baggy-eyed thespian seems to visibly throw in the towel. Rarely have lines been recited on film with such monotone disinterest.

The only convincing moment comes when an ashen-faced Tommy quietly reflects on the horror of war. Though perhaps he was merely contemplating his next page of dialogue.

Just how similar is this to Top Gun?

Extended aerial training montage? Check.

Alpha male meatheads engaging in testosterone-fuelled braggadocio? Check.

Soft-focus sex scene sound-tracked by a sax-heavy pop song? Check.

We hope those knickers were clean from the wash

Fire Birds even goes so far as giving Cage a dead best friend to grieve over. We all know Goose died in Top Gun. And it’s clearly where this film’s ideas of originality did too.

Mercifully, Fire Birds does spare us the sight, not to mention sound, of Nic Cage performing an a cappella version of a beloved Sixties pop hit.

But given the film’s sole attempt at an original scene involves Cage running around with a pair of scarlet coloured knickers over his head, maybe they should have just stuck to the karaoke.

What is the level of ‘Cage rage’?

Ah, Nicolas Cage. It’s quite possible that somewhere inside him is an actor of subtlety and craft.

Unfortunately, film fans remain stuck with the scenery-chewing show-off who has become a byword for actorly excess. Al Pacino could feasibly watch Cage’s movies and complain that, really, this is all a bit much.

From the moment the film begins, our leading equestrian seems determined to unleash the full range of his dubious talents. There are frequent outbursts of shouting, unexplained goofing, and the kind of exaggerated emotional responses generally only seen in an attention-seeking toddler.

All this grandstanding comes to a head in a marvellous scene of spectacularly unrestrained ‘Cage rage’. Practicing in a flight simulator, our Nic becomes so enamoured of his own abilities that he starts wildly shouting ‘I am the greatest’ over and over again.

Possibly the only thing more bizarre than Cage’s performance in this sequence is the fact that the director, and others responsible for this film, looked through this footage and agreed: “Yes, this is good. We can use this.”

Exploding helicopter action

Fire Birds contains the mother lode of exploding helicopters. And viewers don’t have to wait long before striking chopper fireball gold.

The film immediately throws us into an air combat duel between US pilots and the rogue ‘copter ace. After out-flying his opponents, the villain uses his chopper’s machineguns to shoot two whirlybirds out of the sky.

We also get two further helicopter explosions in the film’s big aerial finale, including Cage dramatically shooting down the villain after an extended dogfight.

And while you might expect the middle of the film to dip slightly, with too many ‘talkie’ bits and little of interest for the true chopper fireball fan, you’d be quite wrong.

In order to hone his skills, Cage is required to practice destroying enemy aircraft in a flight simulator. During the sequence, we get to see the Shergar’s less handsome brother shoot down nine – yes, nine – CGI helicopters.

Artistic merit

The real exploding helicopters are pretty good. Fire and wreckage fill the screen, but there are none of the thrills that the chopper combustion cognoscenti appreciate. For instance, we don’t get to see flaming wreckage fall to the ground, or rotor blades violently sheering off.

Meanwhile, the flight simulator fireballs are basic in the extreme. Little more than pixelated yellow splodges. In fairness, this was 1990 when even cutting edge computer graphics looked little better than a crayoned drawing.

Number of exploding helicopters

This is the point where Fire Birds becomes one of the most controversial films Exploding Helicopter has ever reviewed. Should the computer graphic helicopters destroyed in the flight simulator be counted in the final total?

It’s an important question as, were they to be included, Fire Birds would have a record breaking 13 exploding helicopters (Battleship is the current record holder with eight).

Having cogitated at length on this issue, Exploding Helicopter has felt it improper to include these chopper fireballs in the final tally.

Chopper fireball fans want to see real helicopters blown-up in all their fiery, rotor-bladed glory, not badly rendered computer graphics. Therefore, the final total has been officially ratified as four.

Exploding helicopter innovation

Only known destruction of a computer graphic helicopter.

The only similar examples we’ve seen are the animated chopper fireballs in Dreamworks’ Monsters vs Aliens and one in 22 Jump Street’s closing credits.

Favourite line

Sean Young uses a rocket launcher to shoot down a jet fighter before unconvincingly delivering the line: “Snort that, sucker.”

Tagline

In keeping with a film full of empty bombast, the tagline is the entirely fatuous: ‘The best just got better’.

Review by: Jafo

Still want more? Then you can listen to our discuss Fire Birds on the Exploding Helicopter podcast. Listen on iTunes, Podomatic or YourListen.

San Andreas

Nothing says summer’s here like the arrival of an end-of-days’ apocalyptic blockbuster in your local multiplex.

Last year, we had not one, but two disaster epics threatening humanity - especially those unfortunate enough to have actually watched those sorry spectacles. (Super-tornado CGI-fest Into The Storm blew in-and-out of cinemas leaving only the wreckage of several careers in its wake, and volcano period piece Pompeii famously failed to erupt at the box office.)

So, given recent form, San Andreas – Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s 3D earthquake extravaganza – looked a decidedly *ahem* shakey prospect. Happily, dear reader, the film bucks the recent trend for disastrous disaster movies.

Gripping from the outset, director Brad Peyton pulls no punches in his quest to satisfy your thirst for action. The opening scene features Ray (Dwayne Johnson) rescuing a damsel in distress from a car dangling over a cliff edge, and the drama doesn’t stop until the final credits roll.

Cynics will be initially fooled into thinking there is a superficial narrative running alongside the disaster quake storyline, when they discover Ray (soon to be a divorcee) is struggling to come to terms with his wife and teenage daughter moving in with their new partner.

But that’s only because there’s an even more superficial parallel narrative.

Oh yes! Ray is also tortured by the death, some years earlier, of his other daughter. Obviously, we don’t want to spoil things for you, so let me assure you that this backstory in no way foreshadows events that take place later in the film. IN ABSOLUTELY NO WAY, ALRIGHT?

Naturally, by the unwritten rules of these movies, The Rock’s surviving daughter Blake finds herself at the quake’s epicentre with Mum’s new ‘boyf’ when disaster strikes (Said boyf, meets a splatty end after deserting Blake in her hour of need conveniently opening the door for a family reconciliation).

A brief encounter with a couple of stereotype Brits - think wannabe Hugh Grant type, and a less nerdy Harry Potter - ensure that Blake has a couple of allies whilst she waits for Dad to ultimately rescue her.

The Rock: only the second biggest chest in the movie

For those not interested in watching San Francisco be destroyed in spectacular 3D special effects, there’s always Blake ample cleavage to admire. Especially as she’s invested in a good bra (cool your boots Germaine).

But the busty babe is also resourceful, putting into action survival skills she has learned from her father. When a fellow companion is wounded she uses her vest to improvise a tourniquet, helpfully revealing more of her wonderful assets. And when a tsunami finally rolls ashore, the poor girl’s undergarments have become very wet. It’s not often that you watch a film with Dwayne Johnson where he doesn’t have the most impressive chest on display.

Exploding helicopter action

While desperately searching for their daughter, Ray and Emma are forced to make a crash landing when an engine on their helicopter fails. With the vehicle spinning out of control, they smash into a clothes store. Miraculously unhurt, the pair have to effect a panicky evacuation as they're both doused in fuel. The viewer patiently waits for fiery payoff, as the wrecked whirlybird inevitably ignites, but....... nothing happens.

There's no fireball, no flames, not even a whiff of smoke. Blasphemy!

In a film whose raison d'etre is the gratuitous celebration of mass destruction it is baffling that director would miss a golden opportunity to add to the carnage by providing the punchline we all expect to this sequence.

There's a time and place to play with audience expectations. This wasn’t it.

Who Knew? 

Helicopters have cruise control? Apparently so, as we learn when The Rock has to rescue his wife from the top a building.

You'd think flying the chopper and operating the rescue winch in the fuselage would be impossible, as no-one can be in two places at the same time. But for The Rock the impossible is just another item to be ticked off the to-do list. He simply presses a button labelled HOV and an unexplained autopilot takes over. Despite watching hundreds of films with helicopters this is the first time we've ever seen such a function.

Interesting fact

Despite playing her father, The Rock was only 14 years older than Alexandra Daddario who played his onscreen daughter, Blake.

Review by: Shirley Bellinger

American Ninja

“Ninjas, thousands of ‘em.” As Michael Caine might have observed had he ever visited a video shop.

That’s because during the Eighties VHS boom, video store shelves groaned under the accumulated weight of films with titles like Ninja Dragon, Ninja Terminator and Ninja Hunt. Or Bionic Ninja, Clash of Ninja, Rage of Ninja…..you get the point.

Suffice to say, filmmakers' imaginations were limited only by the number of verbs and adjectives that could be sensibly (and in many cases, not so sensibly) bolted to the magical ‘n’ word.

Sniffing the opportunity to make a quick buck, those masters of action exploitation the Cannon Group came up with a cunning plan. Why not give the oriental, black-clad, stealth assassin formula a stars ‘n’ stripes makeover? And so the American Ninja (1985) was born. Hii-yaa, motherfucker.

The plot

Michael Dudikoff, a star of the VHS action era, plays an army private with a mysterious past. (In fact it’s a mystery even to him as a bout of amnesia means he can remember nothing of his childhood).
After arriving at his new posting, Dudikoff quickly finds himself entangled with illegal arms dealers and his commanding officer’s comely daughter (Judie Aronson).

Can Dudikoff stop the baddies? Will he get the girl? Or, in an unexpected break with convention, will our hero be romantically rejected moments after the villains happily complete their dastardly scheme? (Sadly, this is not that film, but we long to see it).

Please explain the ludicrous overly complicated sub-plot?

Exploding Helicopter loves films which give their heroes’ byzantine backstories that later, through a succession of unlikely twists, prove surprisingly relevant to present day proceedings.

Michael Dudikoff

So, of course, one's cliche antennae can't but start twitching during a hilarious early scene - ripe with clunking exposition - that reveals Dudikoff was actually raised on a remote Pacific Island under the care of a Japanese soldier who was unaware World War II had ended. Just fancy.

Such an outlandish personal history would normally take some explaining. But fortunately, the amnesia gimmick means the scriptwriters don't have to explain a thing about these extraordinary circumstances (though frankly we’d love to have heard it) or shed any light on how Dudikoff came to be supernaturally skillful at martial arts. Look, it just happened right?

This colourful biography appears entirely irrelevant, until we meet a wily old Japanese gardener who seems just a little too interested in our hero. Wait! No! Don't say it’s the man who raised Dudikoff all those years ago? And if that wasn’t preposterous enough, it turns out the oriental horticulturalist is working for the villainous Mr Big’s Dudikoff’s trying to stop.

Honestly, what were the odds? (Seriously, what were the odds? Because you could stick a fiver on that beauty and retire a rich man.)

Just how nuts is this film?

Let’s start with the villain. He’s an illegal arms dealer who - rather than lead a low key, incognito sort of life, away from the scrutiny of law enforcement - lives on a giant estate with a private army of highly trained ninja. Ludicrous this may be, but it does provide plenty of karate savvy, pyjama-wearing butt for Dudikoff to kick.

Ordinarily, a chop-socky action flick featuring a ninja warrior hero who has to battle an army of similarly skilled opponents use the services of an actor with a solid knowledge of martial arts. Think Jackie Chan; Jet Li; er, Steven Seagal. (Well, you get the point.)

But ordinary is not a word you'd ever associate with this film. Bizarrely, Michael Dudikoff was cast despite having no knowledge of ninjutsu, karate, or aikido (although I understand he’s a black belt in origami). It should have been a disaster. Incredibly, it works.

Is American Ninja worth watching?

It may be goofy, it may not even approach anything like making sense, but if you’re looking to relax, crack open a beer, and be entertained for ninety minutes then you really can’t go wrong.

In many ways, American Ninja is a microcosm of everything that was good about eighties action films. It creates a world where anything can happen, populates it with larger than life characters and gives them an easily understandable mission to complete. It’s a formula so simple you wonder how filmmakers today make such a mess of so many films. (Wachowski brothers - or sisters, or whichever gender you are this week: watch and learn.)

Exploding helicopter action

Chopper fireball fans have to be patient as our favourite fiery delight doesn’t take place until the film’s denouement.

Dudikoff enjoying a helicopter ride

With Dudikoff and his army buddies closing in, the villain tries to make a getaway by grabbing Dudikoff’s girlfriend hostage and escaping in a helicopter.

As the chopper lifts into the skies, our Mike grabs on to the landing skis of the whirlybird. Clambering up the outside of the craft, he swaps a few blows with the nasty desperado.

After freeing his squeeze, the ‘Dude’ leaps from the aircraft onto the roof of building over which it is conveniently hovering.

Back on the ground, a solider has whipped out a rocket launcher which he fires at the helicopter. You’ve likely been reading this website long enough to know what happens next. (Hint: the helicopter explodes).

Artistic merit

What’s not to enjoy? The fireball’s nice and juicy and we get to watch the wreckage crash to the ground in time honoured fashion. Yes, the helicopter’s is clearly a model, but it’s pretty convincing. Overall, it’s a winner.

Exploding helicopter innovation

None to report. Method and style of destruction have all been done many times before.

Do passengers survive?

As already mentioned, Dudikoff and Aronson survive. Leaping from an exploding helicopter is a fairly common occurrence and there’s certainly some fun to be had with it.

Angels & Demons, which featured the novel sight of Ewan McGregor playing, yes, the Pope as a weird sort of Catholic Obi Wan Kenobi, his McHoliness safely parachuted from miles up after disposing of a nuclear bomb. In helicopter escape circles, this perhaps remains the high watermark.

Sadly, in American Ninja, our heroes only have to jump about six feet from a helicopter that has no good reason to still be hovering so low in the first place.

Favourite line

Exploding Helicopter always enjoys filmmakers attempts to disguise exposition as a clumsy piece of dialogue. And there’s a wee gem to enjoy here.
“Have you ever heard of ninjutsu sir?”
“What's that?”
“The secret art of assassination.”
“Yeah of course I have!”

Interesting fact

Chuck Norris was originally cast in the lead role, but declined at the prospect of having to obscure his face by wearing a ninja outfit. “If I'm going to be in a film,” he loftily declared. “I don't want my face hidden.”

Given that Chuck has spent the majority of his career hiding his face behind a straggly pubic wig, some readers might find such a position of principle odd.

Review by: Jafo

Listen to the Exploding Helicopter podcast on American Ninja via iTunes, YourListen, Stitcher or Podomatic. 

Read reviews of American Ninja by our friends at Comeuppance Reviews and DTV Connoisseur.

The Interview

Depending on your view of the comedic merits of Seth Rogen, the pulling of The Interview’s (2014) release last year could be the most humane act ever connected with the North Korean regime.

As we all know, the film was famously canned after mysterious computer geeks hacked Sony’s computers and threatened attacks against any cinemas showing the film.

In response, liberals the world over suddenly became fully fledged Seth Rogen fans (at least until the moment they actually saw the movie) and supplied Sony with more free publicity than they could have ever possibly imagined.

The plot 

A celebrity chat show host and his loyal producer manage to land an interview with North Korean leader Kim Jung-Un, after discovering he’s a massive fan of the show. This piques the interest of the CIA who recruit the pair to use the interview as cover for a covert assassination attempt.

Who the hell is in this? 

Seth Rogen plays Aaron Rapaport, producer of the Skylark show which is fronted by Dave Skylark (James Franco). Rogen and Franco have appeared in a whole host of films together.

When they first teamed-up it seemed that Franco was giving a leg up to the more junior Rogen, but now the roles seem to have reversed with the comedian helping to give his homeboy a pay check.

The good 

Whether you ultimately like this or not will really depend on your taste for Seth Rogen, but Eminem’s cameo role as a guest coming out on the Skylark show was a high point. For the rest of the movie Rogen plays his usual loveable bear character who eventually triumphs and gets the girl.

While many can’t stand Seth Rogen films – his mere involvement proving a turn off - he has expanded his repertoire somewhat (admittedly not in this film) and is very likeable. Although Franco’s turn is a major downside to the film his bonding with Kim Jung-Un over father issues, a mutual love of margheritas and Katy Perry is very well done.

The bad 

Rogen goes for some easy ‘me so sorry’ laughs early on that really let the film down and do nothing to combat accusations of racism. There’s also an unnecessary section set in China after Rogen’s character is summoned to meet with Kim Jung-un’s representatives to discuss a possible interview.

The only conceivable reason for its inclusion is that Rogen (who is always in charge of a Rogen film) wanted to see China, because the punchline the gag builds to is really not worth it. There’s also some weirdly over the top blood splattered goriness that comes from nowhere.

The unwatchable 

Two words. James Franco.

I get that he is playing an over the top celebrity chat show host but Franco’s performance contains more ham than a high street butcher’s shop. The gurning and extreme facial expressions are bad enough but what seems to be ad-libbing (and I really hope it can be put down to ad-libbing) shows the paucity of Franco’s comedic chops.

Seth Rogen could have been kinder to his mate and employed a harsher editor – or just made sure he stuck to the script.

Exploding helicopter action 

After the initial plan to kill Kim Jung-un with a slow releasing poison goes tits up, the good guys eventually assassinate the supreme leader by firing a rocket from a tank into a helicopter. Seconds away from setting off a nuclear attack, the grinning Kim Jung-un’s face turns to horror as he realises his impending doom.

Artistic merit 

As the missile is fired we see the attack in slow motion to a soundtrack of Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ (I obviously wasn’t aware of this song before watching this movie). After an explosion that turns the North Korean leader into a human fireball we see the chopper fall from the sky behind the heroes’ tank. And then there’s some more awesome explosions.

Favourite line 

Again it depends on whether you go for Seth Rogen’s brand of humour – and I generally do – but the gallery of the Skylark Show shouting “Eminem is gay on our show” worked for me. As did the “McConaughey goat fuck!” shout after hearing of another celeb story.

Those of a slightly more cerebral nature might enjoy the “How many times must the USA make the same mistakes? – As many as it takes” exchange.

Tagline 

‘Their Trip to North Korea Just Went South’ is pretty ho-hum but the alternative ‘From the Western Capitalist Pigs Who Brought You Bad Neighbours and This is the End’ is a nice touch.

Review by: Dan Roberts (@lasvegasWI) you can find more of Dan Roberts ramblings at DanRobertsRambling.

Still want more? Then check out the Exploding Helicopter podcast on The Interview. Available on iTunes, Podomatic, YourListen, Acast and Stitcher.

Delta Force 2: The Colombian Connection

Has there ever been a more unlikeable actor than Chuck Norris?

Taciturn, charmless, and with a cigarette paper-wide emotional range, Chuck somehow managed to maintain a 30-year career as a Hollywood star. All while looking like a lion forcibly mated with a squat female bodybuilder.

Despite such barriers to success, audiences flocked to his films. And sadly for Exploding Helicopter, he’s the charisma vacuum at the heart of Delta Force 2 (1990).

A sequel to the jingoistic, patriotic tub thumper The Delta Force, Norris returns as Colonel Scott McCoy the taciturn, charmless Special Forces commander with an emotional range as wide as a cig…….. oh, you can guess the rest.

The plot

America is flooded with cocaine, so Chuckie Boy is given a secret mission to capture drug baron Ramon Cota (Billy Drago), who’s holed up in the fictional South American country of San Carlos. The assignment has extra piquancy for Norris as Cota brutally killed his friend.

Now, those with more inquisitive minds may be wondering where, given the title, Colombia fits into all this. All I can say is, don’t trouble yourself with trifling details like that. Certainly, no-one involved in making this film did.

Who the hell’s in this? 

Our star is Carlos Norris (as he doesn’t like to be known). Never the most demonstrative of actors, Chuck is in particularly inexpressive form here.

During the film our hero has to watch a video of his best friend being cold-bloodedly murdered by the evil Cota. So, how does Chuck react to this horrifying moment? Does his tormented face portray the frustration and helplessness his character must feel as he witnesses his buddy slowly expire?

In a word: no.

Instead, Chuck stares blankly at the TV screen looking for all the world like a man waiting for the Ceefax page to change. And the Norris-nator’s leaden performance is not helped by the wildly divergent acting chops on display elsewhere.

As drug-lord Ramon Cota, Billy Drago gives a film-stealing turn of pantomime villainy. Listlessly lolling around his hideout, drawling his dialogue with theatrical relish he comes across like a homicidal lizard.

But Drago is made to look a modicum of restraint in comparison to B-movie stalwart John P Ryan, who plays Norris’ boss General Taylor. Twisting the over-acting dial to eleven, Ryan’s wildly eccentric turn appears to have no relevance to the film, the dialogue or even the part. He may be one of the good guys, but he’s potentially more nuts than anyone Norris is looking to bring to justice.

Chuck working through his emotional issues

The good

In case you thought Chuck was completely unmoved by the sight of his friend being sadistically killed, we do get a scene where he works through his grief and inner pain.

The weirdy-beardy decides to exorcise his demons and find emotional peace by beating up his entire Delta Force squad in an extended training montage.

"Feeling better?" Asks Chuck's boss as the battered bodies of the entire troop lie broken and scatted across the ground.

“Yes,” he replies. “But they’re not.”

What a nice guy.

The bad

Many a bad actor (John Wayne, Arnold Schwarzenegger, et al) has been saved by a director savvy enough to accentuate their stars strengths while hiding their flaws. Unfortunately, John Ford and James Cameron were unavailable to direct Delta Force 2, so instead the film is left in the dead hand of Aaron Norris. Hang on, that surname sounds familiar....

Yup, you've guessed it. After 15 profitable years working as his brothers’ stunt double, Aaron was – in a shameless act of nepotism – elevated to the role of director. While Norris Jr. may know how to fall from the top of a building or jump through a window whilst on fire, it’s abundantly clear he hasn’t a Scooby about how to direct or edit a film.

Under his control, seemingly straightforward scenes take on peculiar, unintended tones, as the camera inexplicably lingers on actors after they’ve delivered their lines. In places, all the awkward pauses and silences make you wonder if the brothers Norris were trying for a Pinteresque deconstruction of the human condition. Though, of course, it's also possible they simply didn’t know what they were doing.

The unwatchable

Against some stiff competition, perhaps the worst thing in this movie is Norris minor’s obsession with slow motion. I'm not sure Chuck delivers a single punch or kick without the frame being slowed to a crawl.

For fans of bone-crunching beat 'em ups, this Chuck-with-the-brakes-on routine becomes irritating. The easiest thing to do is just press fast-forward, which restores the fights to something resembling a normal speed.

Exploding helicopter action

Everyone's favourite form of fiery aviation doesn't arrive until the end of the film.

As Chuck attempts to make his getaway from Cota’s compound he’s pursued by a helicopter piloted by General Olmedo, a corrupt army officer who’s in cahoots with Cota.

Chuck Norris with the 'mad as a ship's cat' John P Ryan

When the car Chuck’s driving is crippled by rocket fire from the chopper, it looks like the game is up. With Chuck in the centre of his crosshairs, Olmedo – in typical villainous fashion - chooses to savour the moment and fatally pauses before administering the kill. (A familiar plot device taken to a high art by the Bond films).

The delay allows Chuck’s buddy General Taylor, piloting a helicopter of his own, to sneak up behind Olmedo and blast his opponent out the sky with a rocket. Having done the hard work the bonkers General gets to deliver the kiss-off line: “Bye-bye asshole.”

Artistic merit

Surprisingly, it’s pretty darn good. A lustrous, large fireball fills the screen. And while the scene is simply constructed and a tad predictable it’s still thoroughly enjoyable.

Exploding helicopter innovation

Innovation is not a concept that’s ever been knowingly embraced in a Chuck Norris film.

Positives

In recent years, Chuck Norris has become the subject of a famous internet meme. You know, that seemingly unending list of statements that attest to Chuck Norris’ incredible powers. Lines like “Chuck Norris doesn’t do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.”

Interestingly, we can perhaps trace the origins of this phenomena to this film. Where after beating up a group of thugs in a bar, Norris is told off by a friend for breaking his promise not to get into a fight.
Norris replies, “I didn’t fight. I gave a motivational seminar.”

Negatives

It’s well known that the laws of physics do not apply in films. And Exploding Helicopter has always been fascinated by the objects which take on curiously bullet proof properties in movies.

Roger Moore’s discovery of bullet proof snow at the beginning of A View To A Kill has always been our favourite, but Delta Force 2 runs it a close second by featuring munitions resistant straw. Amazing.

Interesting fact

With a wooden leading man, a turgid script and the star’s stunt man brother directing, it’s not like this film didn’t have enough issues. But apparently Michael Winner was at one point set to make this film. Yee Gods.

Favourite line

We love the meaningless bollocks that’s regularly spouted in action films to give the dialogue a quasi-military feel. There’s a particularly fine example of the art here: “Eagle one, this is wildcard. Stranglehold is a go.”

Review by: Jafo

Black Sunday

Black Sunday (1977) should be a disaster. This spy thriller has a plot so epically bonkers, it would make a Bond movie look like an espionage documentary.

Yet, in the hands of directorial master John Frankenheimer (The Manchurian Candidate, Ronin), the fantastical storyline is transformed into the basis for a genuinely gripping, pulse-quickening actioner.

The plot

So what’s so barmy about the plot? Well the basic premise is standard fare: Arab terrorists plot to attack America. (Twas ever thus).

What is unconventional is their crackpot plan. This involves blowing up the Superbowl game using an airship they’ve turned into a giant floating bomb.

Only a top Israeli secret agent can stop the deadly attack. Can he burst the terrorists’ balloon? Or will it be a ‘good year’ (Goodyear, geddit?) for the villains?

Who the hell’s in this?

Robert Shaw (From Russia With Love) is the film’s hero. He’s plays Major Kabakov, a world-weary Mossad spy whose steely belief in his own superiority is matched only by his disdain for everyone around him.

In many ways, he’s a secret agent version of Quint, the salty seadog he so famously played in Jaws. All that’s missing is a scene where he shows off his scars while pretending – very unconvincingly – to be drunk.

He’s pitted against Bruce Dern, an unhinged Vietnam veteran recruited by the terrorists to fly the blimp. Dern, a long-serving specialist in crazed loon characters (see Silent Runnings, The Cowboys, et al), is here given free rein to unleash his inner crazy.

In one chilling scene, he cold-bloodedly engineers a man’s death just so he can test a nail-bomb. As the bloody, mutilated body slumps in front of him, Dern’s only interest is the symmetry of the holes on the wall behind the corpse. Yup, it’s fair to say the lad’s tuppence short of a shilling.

The good

Despite clocking in at the best part of two and a half hours, Black Sunday is never less than gripping.

The extended runtime gives Frankenheimer the scope to not only stage several exciting action set pieces (a bloody hotel shoot-out and motorboat chase are highlights) but properly develop the characters of his two protagonists.

While most espionage thrillers opt for either psychological depth (The Spy Who Came In From The Cold) or pyrotechnic thrills (The Spy Who Loved Me), Frankenheimer deftly fuses the two approaches.

This pays dividends for Frankenheimer during the credulity-stretching climax. As the blimp slowly, and very visibly, chugs towards its target (whatever it may be, this is certainly not a stealth operation), Robert Shaw is lowered from a pursuing helicopter in a desperate bid to stop the airship.

Predictably, things don’t go exactly to plan and our Bob is left clinging on to the side of blimp, looking for all the world like a midget trying to hump a very, very big woman. All the while, he frantically tries to attach a hook so the behemoth can be towed to safety by the chopper.

By rights this sequence should be every bit as a ridiculous as the ‘jump-the-shark’ moment in Die Hard 4.0 when Bruce Willis hitches a ride on a fighter jet. But with the viewer already fully invested in the characters and their motivations, the scene feels more like a natural conclusion rather than an absurdity bolted on to the end. (Which, in truth, it probably is.)

The bad

This is a big budget Hollywood blockbuster, where good must eventually triumph. That means the terrorists are required to make a simple mistake that ultimately leads to their downfall. And what an avoidable cock-up it is.

Despite the attack being weeks away, one of the terrorists can’t resist recording the gloating message they plan to send the media claiming responsibility for the atrocity. Let’s just hope this damning tape doesn’t accidentally fall into hands of the Americans, giving them just enough information to track down the terrorists. Oh, wait… D’oh.

The unwatchable

Not so much unwatchable, as inaudible. Robert Shaw’s attempt at a kosher Israeli accent is so bizarre, Exploding Helicopter was forced turn the subtitles on after 20 minutes. Oy vey!

Exploding helicopter action

Since the dramatic focus of Black Sunday is an exploding zeppelin, the film may seem an unpromising prospect for chopper fireball fans. Fear not! For during the film’s exciting denouement, there is also some exploding rotary action to enjoy.

As the airship languidly floats towards the Superbowl, a police helicopter is scrambled to stop it. Happily, one of the terrorists has brought along a machine-gun and energetically opens fire on the copper’s chopper.

Trailing smoke and flames, the wounded whirlybird loses altitude before it suddenly explodes. It goes up, ironically enough, like the Hindenburg.

Artistic merit

Points have to be deducted for cheating. Rather than actually blow up the helicopter, footage of a fireball is superimposed over it. Due to the limitations of special effects in the Seventies, this trick was regularly – and unconvincingly – employed by filmmakers of the era (Diamonds Are Forever, for example.)

Watching today, it’s easy to sit and smirk. But Exploding Helicopter choses to salute these trailblazers who found ways to give us the chopper fireball thrills we craved despite the technical challenges of their day.

Exploding helicopter innovation

This blog has seen helicopters battle many different modes of transport: motorcycles, cars, airplanes, tanks, even trains. But, we’ve never seen one engaged in an aerial dogfight with a blimp. It remains unique to this day.

Favourite line

Understanding what makes a success or failure can be hard.

In Predator, Arnold Schwarzenegger immortalised the line: “Get to the chopper!” Sadly, Bruce Dern was unable to pull off the feat with his similar, but perhaps less catchy, “Get to the blimp!”

Maybe he should have tried it with a thick Austrian accent.

Tagline

Black Sunday’s tagline is the perplexing ‘It could be tomorrow’. And indeed it might, assuming every day was Saturday.

Review by: Jafo